What to Say on a Dating App to Actually Get Replies
Let’s be honest—swiping is easy. But starting a conversation that gets an actual reply? That’s the part most people never master.
You match, get excited, send a “Hey 😊” …and then? Silence.
Or worse—an awkward “wyd” reply that goes nowhere.
Here’s the truth: If you want genuine replies, you need to send messages that stand out, feel natural, and invite connection.
This guide gives you real-world strategies, examples, and messages that get attention, spark interest, and lead to real conversations (and dates!).
Table of Contents
- Why Most Dating App Messages Fail
- 1. Use Their Profile to Start the Conversation
- 2. Ask Questions That Feel Playful, Not Interview-Like
- 3. Avoid One-Word Openers (and These Common Mistakes)
- 4. Use Humor, But Keep It Kind
- 5. Give a Compliment—With a Twist
- 6. Match Their Energy & Messaging Style
- 7. Follow Up With Curiosity, Not Pressure
- 8. What to Say After They Reply
- FAQs
Why Most Dating App Messages Fail
According to Pew Research, nearly 40% of dating app users say it’s hard to find people who are looking for the same type of relationship.
But there’s more: The majority of conversations die in the first three messages because:
- They’re too generic
- They sound copied and pasted
- They lack personality or direction
If you want real engagement, your message needs to spark curiosity, emotion, or connection—ideally all three.
1. Use Their Profile to Start the Conversation
It seems basic, but it’s rare—and wildly effective.
Read their profile and reference something specific in your first message:
- “Okay, I need to know more about this ‘accidental fire juggler’ story…”
- “You said you love scary movies. What’s one that actually scared you?”
- “Dog lover AND traveler? I feel like that’s the dream combo. What’s your favorite trip so far?”
This makes your message:
- Personal
- Impossible to ignore
- A clear signal that you’re interested in them, not just attention
2. Ask Questions That Feel Playful, Not Interview-Like
Avoid heavy life questions out of the gate.
Instead, ask things like:
- “Would you rather time travel 50 years back or forward?”
- “What’s your go-to karaoke song that no one expects?”
- “What’s the most unexpected compliment you’ve ever gotten?”
These types of questions invite:
- Fun
- Openness
- Storytelling (which builds connection)
Think: “coffee shop conversation,” not “LinkedIn mixer.”
3. Avoid One-Word Openers (and These Common Mistakes)
The most ignored messages on dating apps are:
- “Hey”
- “Hi”
- “How are you?”
- “You’re cute”
They say nothing about you or your interest. And worse, they make the other person do all the work.
Also avoid:
- Copy-paste pickup lines
- Overly sexual comments
- Giant paragraphs about yourself
Keep it short, fun, and customized to their vibe.
4. Use Humor, But Keep It Kind
If you’re funny, use it! Humor is one of the top qualities people want in a partner. Just make sure it’s respectful, not off-putting.
Examples:
- “Is it too early to say we should adopt a plant together?”
- “I was going to send something charming but decided to just be honest—I have no idea what to say, but you seem awesome.”
- “So, serious question: pancakes or waffles?”
Funny = memorable. Cringe = unmatched.
5. Give a Compliment—With a Twist
Instead of “You’re hot,” try:
- “That smile in your third photo? Pure mischief. I’m intrigued.”
- “You look like the kind of person who turns awkward silences into inside jokes. Am I right?”
Be specific, lighthearted, and non-generic. Show that you noticed something real—not just looks.
6. Match Their Energy & Messaging Style
Take cues from their profile tone and photo vibe:
- Is their profile funny? Use humor.
- Do they sound professional or reserved? Go thoughtful and clear.
- Are they clearly playful? Lean into that.
Matching tone is a subtle but powerful way to show compatibility.
7. Follow Up With Curiosity, Not Pressure
If they don’t reply right away, don’t panic.
Instead of:
“You there?”
Try:
“Okay, either you’re super busy or you’re thinking of a clever reply. I’ll wait.”
It keeps things fun and pressure-free.
If there’s still no reply after a few days? Move on. Your energy is too valuable to chase ghosts.
8. What to Say After They Reply
Once the convo starts flowing, keep momentum by:
- Asking something related to what they just said
- Sharing a quick, funny or relatable story
- Suggesting a low-pressure way to connect further (e.g., “Let’s keep this going over coffee?”)
Aim for a tennis match, not a monologue.
FAQs
Q: How long should my first message be?
A: 1–3 sentences max. Enough to show effort, but short enough to invite a quick reply.
Q: Should I wait for them to message first?
A: No. Especially on apps where women typically message first (like Bumble), waiting wastes time. Make the move!
Q: How do I revive a dead conversation?
A: Humor + callback. Example: “I’ve been thinking about your karaoke answer. Still can’t decide if it’s genius or chaos.”
Q: What if I’m not naturally flirty?
A: Be warm, sincere, and curious. You don’t need pickup lines—just personality.
Q: Should I suggest meeting in the first few messages?
A: Only if the energy feels right. If the conversation flows, suggest something casual and safe: “Want to continue this over coffee sometime?”
Great dating app messages aren’t about perfection—they’re about connection.
When you lead with playfulness, curiosity, and authenticity, you don’t just get replies—you start real conversations that go somewhere.
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